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USE YOUR SMART PHONE  OR DIGITAL CAMERA TO REHEARSE DESIRED BEHAVIORS
Use the video option on your smart phone or on your digital camera to teach and rehearse desired behaviors.  Video tape your child while practicing a desired behavior such as cleaning up toys, dressing, or participating in a polite conversation.  Watch the video with your child when you want him/her to repeat this behavior.  This simple act of rehearsing and watching has an amazingly positive effect on growing desired behaviors. 

RETURNING TO THE TRIED AND TRUE
The new year doesn't necessarily mean it's time for a "new" big change.  Sometimes it is more effective to return to  what has worked well in the past.  Return to an old routine; serve familiar and well liked foods; re-establish family traditions; and most importantly take the time to connect and enjoy a bit of time with your child every day.    
  
PERSONALIZED PARENTING TIPS  
This week I'm offering personalized parenting tips. Send an email to bonnie@bonniebogen.com. 
Be sure to include specifics regarding your child's age and the behavior you would like to address. 
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AVOID HOLIDAY STRESS 
Keep your expectations real this holiday season. 
Consider these factors and know that they are always related to how your special days play out: 

  • Physiological factors: Sleep (or lack of it), hunger, and illness will always 
  • have a negative impact on behavior.
  • Sensory factors:  Is the holiday environment too loud, busy, hot or crowded?  
  • If your child is sensitive to sensory input, busy crowded and loud family events 
  • may be overwhelming and have a negative impact on behavior. 
  • Age and Development:  Keep your child happy by keeping expectations realistic 
  • depending on age and developmental level. 

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CONFLICT SITUATIONS 
During times of conflict adrenaline is running high.  Both you and your child are in a state of fight or flight and learning cannot occur at this time.  This is the time to talk less. Try walking away and waiting for your child and yourself to calm down. 
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IS IT PUNISHMENT or DISCIPLINE? 
Discipline is used to guide and teach your child.  It includes establishing limits.  It is respectful and teaches children how to cooperate and learn self  control. Punishment may temporarily stop a behavior, but it creates a relationship based on fear and often creates a need to retaliate. Observe yourself the next time you are in a situation with your child that requires "discipline."  Step back and ask yourself if you are respectfully teaching and guiding or if you are punishing. 
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AVOIDING POWER STRUGGLES 
An easy way to avoid a Power Struggle with any age child is to be aware of their "triggers".  The word "No" is often a trigger.  Next time your child makes a request to which your typical response is "No," try saying this instead, "Let me think about it for a minute."  or "I will get back to you about that." This gives you an opportunity to give a thoughtful response.  It also gives your child the opportunity to back away from what could have become a power struggle. 


KEEP DOING The THINGS THAT WORK
The days are getting shorter and the weather is turning cool.  Returning to school can bring busier schedules which result in less sleep.  These internal changes in our children can frequently be the cause of frustrating behavior.  When you notice this, try returning to simple changes that have worked in the past.  Pay attention to routine and simplify demands when possible.  Choose your battles wisely.  Join with your child in enjoyable activities that don't place additional demands on either of you.  Have a conversation without giving advice, cook together, or enjoy other activities that allow you to be present with your child.

weekly tip: